What Is “Reunification Therapy”?

Good evening, Meteor readers,

Yesterday, on my morning drive, I saw a family posing on their stoop with big smiles and a sign proclaiming the first day of school for the four kids in uniforms. Their mom, snapping the photo, directing everyone to squish together, seemed so excited.

I thought of that family when, a few hours later, news broke of a school shooting in Georgia—the 385th mass shooting this year, and the 23rd on a K-12 campus. The families at Apalachee High School woke up that day—just like my neighbors—dressing up their children, ready for a fresh start, trusting they’d come home safe. But now, four families are burying a loved one, and a community is irreparably damaged. And the name Apalachee will join Uvalde, Sandy Hook, Parkland, Columbine, Covenant, Marysville, Oxford, and on, and on, and on.

And it feels like all we can do is ask the same questions over and over again: When will prayers become policy? Whose child will be the last straw?

If not for them, then for who,

Shannon Melero

WHAT’S GOING ON

It’s okay to separate a child from their abuser, actually: You may have read about the recent case out of Colorado in which a retired police officer who allegedly sexually assaulted his daughters currently walks free, while their mother is going to jail for trying to keep her children away from him. It would be easy to write it off as a one-off miscarriage of justice—but advocates say that it’s actually typical of the way in which family court cases often prioritize the wishes of parents, even if they’re abusive, over the well-being of a child.

The backstory is this: The father, a former police officer, faces seven felony charges for allegedly sexually assaulting three of his daughters, as well as one misdemeanor child abuse charge for allegedly attempting to drown his son, who had confronted him over the crimes. He currently seeks custody of his two other, younger children, who live in a domestic violence shelter with their mother. The children have been ordered by the court to attend reunification therapy, a controversial treatment used by family courts to settle custody disputes.

The children’s mother objects to the reunification therapy for several reasons: She believes the father is dangerous, and she worries about the effect the reunification therapy is having on her children. (Therapy sessions have left her children in the fetal position, crying uncontrollably, unable to sleep, and expressing thoughts of self-harm, she says.) So, she attempted to prevent her children from attending these sessions—and is now being held in contempt of court and sentenced to jail time.

But she’s not the only one objecting to reunification therapy: The treatment has come under fire from many family court reform and feminist groups, who charge it provides abusive parents continued access to their victims. “Common sense tells us you can’t force a child to have a relationship or force two people to have a relationship if it’s fractured or if there’s no bond in the first place,” Tina Swithin, an advocate for family court reform, has said. “Especially in cases where there is abuse, this is further traumatizing these children.”

Some states have already passed bans and limitations on court-ordered reunification therapy, such as requiring both parents’ consent or prohibiting the use of “reunification camps,” where children are sent with their alienated parent and cut off from their primary caregiver. But in many cases, its use is still widespread due to what the United Nations Human Rights Council calls “harmful gender stereotypes and discriminatory gender bias among family law judges.”

“Judges are suspicious about who is making the domestic abuse allegations,” attorney Suzanne Zaccour explained to Ms. “Often the woman might appear ‘crazy’ because she has suffered the impact of trauma and to them that makes her less credible…It’s more comfortable to accept the explanation that women are crazy rather than that many men are violent…Judges cling to the idea that domestic abuse is rare and an exception.”

Children have a wide array of extremely valid reasons they may not want to remain in contact with a parent. And as long as family courts continue to prioritize reunification at all costs, they’ll quickly find that the cost is the child’s well-being—and, in too many cases, their life.

—Bailey Wayne Hundl

AND:

• Cultural icon, musical pioneer, and voice of a generation for Latine teens in basements, Daddy Yankee, announced yesterday that he has written a book about his life. His memoir, “ReaDY! El Poder de Cambiar Tu Historia” will be available in both English and Spanish next spring.

• Australian breakdancer (I use the term loosely) Rachel Gunn, aka Raygun, has finally spoken out about the backlash she faced after her abysmal Olympic performance. In an interview on an Australian talk show, she said, “It was really sad how much hate that it did evoke, and a lot of the responses, though, was also due to people not being very familiar with breaking and the diversity of approaches in breaking.” Sure, Jan.

• The legend Alex Morgan announced today that she will retire from professional soccer. She won two World Cups and an Olympic gold medal during her more-than-decade-long career. In her tearful announcement, Morgan shared that she is pregnant with her second child; she will appear in her final NWSL match when the San Diego Wave takes on the North Carolina Courage this Sunday.

• A horrifying trial is underway in France. Dominique Pelicot was married to a woman named Gisele for 50 years, and for a ten-year stretch in their marriage, Dominique was drugging and raping his wife, inviting other men to their home to rape her, and filming all of it. Dominique has “always declared himself guilty” since his arrest, but some of the 50 other men charged with rape have denied any wrongdoing, claiming they had Dominique’s permission to sleep with his incapacitated wife.

WEEKEND READING 📚

On being left out: There’s a specific group of women feminism forgot about: cheerleaders. (The 19th)

On funds: Black women at the helm of abortion funds across the country are bringing reproductive justice to the masses. (Essence)

On the sheets: A question for all to consider: “Was casual sex always this bad?” *cough* yes *cough* (The Cut)

On the job: Guards at Rikers Island accused of assault are mysteriously still working at the jail. And some of them didn’t even know allegations had been made until journalists started asking questions. (Gothamist)

FOLLOW THE METEOR

Thank you for reading The Meteor! Got this from a friend? Subscribe using their share code or sign up for your own copy, sent Tuesdays and Thursdays.

[email protected]