Meet the Host—or Should We Say Hosts…

Sarah Jones: Hi everybody welcome to America, Who Hurt You? I’m Sarah Jones–  

Rashid: And what’s good y’all I’m Rashid

Nereida:  Hola I’m Nereida!

Bella: Hi everyone, I’m Bella!

Lorraine: And hello it’s me Lorraine. 

 

SJ: – and as you might know, this is a new pod about America’s personal AND political issues, where we interview amazing guests, like W. Kamau Bell (we’re dropping that episode today too, so ya gotta listen to that one if you haven’t). 

 

But maybe you’re a total newbie to this pod, and to me, so you’re wondering: Who IS Sarah Jones? And, with this already impossible political climate, why is she now coming for me about my personal trauma? You may also wonder —who are the voices chiming into this conversation– I’m hearing, like, men and women and old people, and is she like IMITATING them–in which case, um, cultural appropriation, or is she CHANNELING them–I’m getting seance vibes…? 

 

I hear you on all of it– and yes, all of the characters’ voices are me— they’re inspired by my real, multiracial family and background–aunties, cousins, grandparents, the people made me who I am. I’ve been performing them for years in my live shows, and in my film Sell Buy Date, but now, instead of jumping around onstage or in front of a camera, they’ll be jumping right into your headphones! Now, before you get to knowthem, I wanted to give you a little more background.

 

Long before they became whole personalities with their own names, my characters started as these alter egos in my little kid imagination. I grew up in a multiracial and, I say this with love, somewhat dysfunctional family. Between my mother having white privilege, even though she’s mixed herself, and my father being a dark skinned Black man, there were constant mixed messages. Pun intended. Also, our family wasn’t just multiracial, there were different religions, languages, immigration statuses, disabilities, including mental health issues. And there were family conflicts that sometimes made it feel like my own relatives were at war with each other. I can still remember sitting around the Thanksgiving table at my white relatives’ house when my Black father steered the conversation toward white supremacy as the gravy was being passed. The next thing we knew, he was on his feet screaming “You people!!” at my white aunt like we were all in a race riot.  

 

The sense that my own family was at war made it feel like the aspects of me that came from them were also at war. That said, I loved them, and they instilled these authentic parts of me that I value deeply. Looking back, I think connecting with all the parts of me helped me feel less like I didn’t belong anywhere. Now, for the purposes of this pod, I’ve been thinking, in many ways, my family and my characters are a microcosm of our country–what is America if not one big, multiracial dysfunctional family filled with sometimes warring identities? 

 

So yeah, it’s taken me performing these characters all over the world, from The White House to stages on five continents, to finally land here and realize that, as happy as I am to have these parts of me, they’re also probably a trauma response! But, the truth is, they often teach me lessons I don’t even know I need to learn, personally and politically. So, just like in my shows, you’ll be meeting the characters and finding out how much they have their own opinions–

 

Lorraine: We will if ever you let us get a word in edgewise –hi everybody, my name is Lorraine, and I’m here because of Sarah. She’s a very nice young Black performer, she calls herself Black. She’s really more like a caramel color if you look at the skin, but I don’t wanna say the wrong thing. Anyway, she puts us in her shows, what she calls her one woman shows– And really you know what that means, it means she takes the credit and makes us come out and do all the work. But I don’t mind, I’m happy to podcast with you younger people— I can’t understand half of what you say, but my doctor says having to decipher new language helps with mental dexterity as you age. Anyway, I am loosely based on Sarah’s real family members, and she wants you to know she tries to change all the names to protect the innocent…

 

SJ: And especially the guilty. 

 

Lorraine: What’d you say sweetheart?

 

SJ: Nothing!

 

Lorraine: But, for you listeners, I do know for her it was a confusing family–on her mom’s side Irish American and German American, we have both Christians and Jews – it’s a long story filled with intrigue and interfaith guilt…

 

Nereida: Lorraine– um I love your long stories mama, but the rest of us also wanted to say hi since we’re here living in Sarah Jones’s head too. So hola everybody—my name is Nereida, and I am ‘inspired’ by Sarah’s real family from the Caribbean and her Latiné relatives— and you know she grew up wanting to speak Spanish like her Dominican cousins, and now looking back she remembers code-switching, meaning changing her language and even her personality trying to fit in with whoever she was talking to. And while that led to a lot of time in the principal’s office, pobrecita, it also led to her feeling like she could sometimes identify with and even empathize with people from any background. Now, speaking for myself, as one of the characters stuck in here, it can be frustrating to share space with others who have some ridiculous, I mean, different political opinions, BUT I will say we’re all committed to doing this podcast from a place of love, so don’t come here looking for people getting dragged. I mean, not for filth anyway. What I’m saying is regardless of where we stand, we’re not gonna be debating ANYBODY’s humanity, even if we disagree…and even if people don’t look or sound like us.

 

Rashid: Aiight, speaking of ppl who’s different, can y’all let a dude speak please? I mean I’m saying, Nereida, I know now yall Latinos now y’all the majority minority or what not, but as a Black man I still need to occupy some space–you feel me? nah nah nah I’m just playin, I know, solidarity, si se puede, BIPOC and all that, we gotta stick together, c’mon. But I’m saying, my name is Rashid, I’m loosely based on some real n—real…ne– necessary influences in Sarah Jones’ Black family and community growing up, especially around the 90s, hip hop, politics, she came up in all that. So real talk, you know with her father being a Black man with roots in the South…she learned very early about, you know it’s not just racism, it’s anti-blackness. I know a lot of people don’t wanna talk about that no more, but for real, that’s what’s underneath all of it. Like I mentioned BIPOC before, and I’ma always ride for my people of color you feel me, but it is a hierarchy to the discrimination in this country—the closer you are to Black, the worser the trauma. And it ain’t no oppression olympics, it’s just the truth. The wild part is, everybody woke up to the fact in 2020 with George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, but then it just seemed like everybody hit snooze, so I think that’s part of the trauma we definitely need to talk about.

 

Bella: Totally, everything you just said Rashid, um– apologies, this just feels like a really awkward white woman timing, but I’m Bella, she/her pronouns. I met Sarah Jones when she was performing for like a pluralism event at my college, um it was like a diversity day, or like a, “We’re Not All White” week, um but, i just remember like as like a young queer person like learning more about  feminism, and like, imperialist white supremacist capitalist cis hetero ableist patriarchy. 

 

What I remember most about that time– besides my parents asking me to stop using most of those terms… and they also tried to get some of their tuition money back. But I remember like the feeling that all those issues outside me seemed so uncontrollable, and at the same time I was also super triggered inside in ways I couldn’t control. So that’s why I’m like high key so stoked for this pod.

 

SJ: Wow, thank you Bella, and Rashid. And Nereida and Lorraine for weighing in–it feels like you  really got at the point of this pod, like the politics and the trauma from your perspectives. But I also think, for our listeners, we should get clear on our definitions, like what do we mean when we say trauma?

 

Lorraine: I think that’s a good idea, because I’m sorry, but as someone who’s lived through real trauma– my family had to flee from Eastern Europe–y’know I won’t go into the details but, when I hear you kids talking about trauma this and trauma that, and you’re triggered because someone says the wrong thing, or what’s that word Bella? You’re always, when you accuse me of being aggressive?

 

Bella: I think you mean a microaggression, Lorraine. And an example would be like what you’re doing right now, which–

 

SJ: Thank you Bella… And Lorraine, I appreciate you sharing what you did, because you experienced a major trauma that is almost impossible for anyone to understand without having lived it. No one should ever minimize that. 

 

And, at the same time, it’s important to say there are many kinds of trauma, many definitions, and maybe as many different experiences of it as there are people. So it could be helpful to learn more about the range of ways people live through trauma.

 

Interlude

 

Rashid: Aight, so if it’s all different kinds of trauma, how we supposed to recognize what it is?

 

Nereida: Well, there’s a lot to it, like there’s chronic trauma, complex trauma, but to keep it simple, one definition I learned is for acute trauma.It means a singular traumatic event, so like one thing, that is brief, like it happens like that, and it’s like specific, like an attack, an assault, or Sarah, you were in a car accident recently when that guy rear ended you–that counts as a trauma. 

 

SJ: Yeah, it was horrible, but at the same time it was hard to acknowledge it as a trauma even though it was still affecting me months later 

 

Bella: Yeah, based on one definition I found from the American Psychology Association just says: Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, or natural disaster.

 

Or a horrifying Presidential election. 

 

Rashid: Yeah but see that’s the hard part right there–how people supposed to talk about they trauma when it’s different for everybody, people might not believe it’s real–for me, a lotta times it could just be being Black in america.

 

SJ: That part. And to your point, apparently it’s normal to have trauma responses ranging from shock and emotional distress to denial, like even being unable to acknowledge it, especially if it doesn’t feel like capital T Trauma.

 

Bella: Yeah, little T, like getting bullied in school, or just like seeing a mass shooting like every five minutes on the news, the planet literally being on fire–during a still-lowkey pandemic

 

SJ: Yep–unfortunately so much of what we consider normal in our society, a lot of it counts as trauma! And to be clear, not everybody experiences trauma the same way, some people are less sensitive to it. But for many of us, it affects our whole sense of safety, sense of self, our ability to regulate our emotions and navigate relationships. We have a great episode with Laverne Cox that gets into a lot of this. 

 

Lorraine: Sarah this is very upsetting. I thought you said we were gonna have a good time on this podcast.

 

SJ: We will, I promise, just hang in there with me–I’m getting to the good part. Remember, it’s about trauma, our politics and how we can heal them both–the healing part is the good stuff! But first– 

 

Lorraine: Don’t tell me, first you’re gonna talk about the political part–

 

SJ: (laughing) Lorraine, I just want to make sure the listeners know what we mean by politics. We’re not just talking about elections or our two party system. Politics really means every aspect of our lives. It’s where we live–do we have access to good schools, healthy food, do we feel safe in our environment. It’s also about our values, what matters to us, from our health to religious freedom and spirituality–

 

Nereida: You should listen to Sarah’s talk with Krista Tippet, to hear about that, by the way. 

 

SJ: And of course our values in politics also impact where we invest our money and our time, not just as individuals, but how is our government, who we pay with our tax dollars, reflecting our values, or not?

 

Lorraine: Ok, but i’m still not clear how this is all connected, the trauma and the politics, what do you mean that they’re feeding each other? 

 

SJ: Well, I’ll give you a couple of examples from my life. Growing up, as you know Lorraine my parents were both doctors. But their experiences were definitely politicized–for example, my dad would often get mistaken for an orderly because he was Black, so some patients either assumed he couldn’t be a doctor, or they didn’t want a Black one treating them. Then, in my mother’s case, she had white privilege, but being female, people still assumed she was a nurse and not a doctor.  Also at the time when she married my dad, women still needed their husband’s signatures to get a credit card, so it didn’t matter that she was on her way to becoming a doctor just like he was. Fast forward to now. As a Black woman from this multi racial and multi-religious family, and as an ally of my LGBTQ loved ones, my immigrant and disabled loved ones – – it feels like all of our humanity is under more threat every day. And with each new inhumane bill that gets passed, many of us are triggered right back to whatever discriminatory experiences we’ve had ourselves, or that we’ve witnessed.

 

Lorraine: Ok, alright, i get it, the political issues driving the trauma… 

 

SJ: And it works both ways Lorraine–our trauma is also driving our politics. 

 

Lorraine: What, are you’re saying all our leaders have the trauma? That’s only you genzennials, whatever you call it. The Older generations, the more experienced, we had normal problems, but not all of this, and the jargon like you kids.

 

SJ: Well Lorraine, I’ll give it to you that many of our current politicians grew up in a culture of zero awareness of trauma, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t experience it and some of them are leading with it.

 

Rashid: Yeah, we not gonna name no names, but just imagine a hypothetical old white dude that used to be on reality TV. He got a lot of power now, but when he was little, his father called him a loser all the time. He got stuck in that trauma, now he out here overcompensating calling everybody else loser–

 

Bella: And endorsing candidates that call other people losers, and passing laws that ban anyone they say is a loser–

 

Nereida: Claro– and that’s just one example of how people’s unresolved trauma impacts our politics–and vice versa.

 

SJ: Now some folks may be wondering, how is this traumatic for the people with the upper hand? They still have all the power! And to that I would answer, sadly, look at the levels of depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide, and so many more trauma responses in powerful men, really all men. These are our brothers, our sons, our fathers… our ex husbands. So yeah, part of our question on this pod is how can we repair and improve this democracy that really hasn’t ever lived up to that label…even for the dominant groups.

 

Lorraine: Well, ok, you’ve convinced me about the trauma and the politics. But when is the healing part?

 

SJ: Great news. We’re already doing it. Just talking about all of this instead of ignoring it or stuffing it down is already part of healing. 

 

Bella: Yeah, this totally felt like a therapy sesh. Except mine usually makes do some kind of exposure exercise at the end.

 

Nereida: Wait Bella, exposure exercise? 

 

Bella: Yeah, it’s a way to, like, practice facing your fears and anxieties, but like in a safe environment.

 

SJ: Oh, well we’re kinda gonna do that too! Every week after we interview our guest we’re all gonna answer a prompt together–

 

Nereida: OMG, Sarah! This is like being back in school–I didn’t know there were gonna be assignments. Now you’re triggering my student loan anxiety.

 

SJ: Don’t worry, this isn’t the royal we, you don’t have to share anything out loud. It’s just for you, and look, I’m not gonna promise it’s going to heal us all overnight, but if you keep doing this every week, it’s gonna be worth it. That I can promise. So, really quick, we’ve talked about trauma and politics and family history, but one thing we only touched on briefly is that childhood trauma in particular can have a hidden but super powerful impact on us, and I don’t just mean presidential candidates. I, for example, was in therapy for years, feeling anxious, inadequate, striving as hard as I could for my life, relationship, career goals–but somehow the more I achieved, the more it felt like it still wasn’t enough. 

 

So, what does all this have to do with childhood trauma? Well, I didn’t realize my striving and insecurities actually first started during my formative years. My mom and dad worked a lot, and even as a little kid, I remember feeling overly responsible for my siblings, and actually my parents, too. There’s a term for that now–”adultified” or “parentified” children. But back then it just felt normal. And then, by the time I was ten and moving into adolescence, I was already anxious about college, so worried about my appearance, wishing I had long straight hair like my mother…it just felt like nothing about me was good enough, and whether it was at school or at home with my family, I developed coping strategies–from emotional overeating to perfectionist overachieving–all trying to be more “ok.”  And by the way, having childhood issues is not necessarily an indictment of our families. I mentioned earlier that my family was somewhat dysfunctional, but I also think dysfunctional family is kind of a redundant phrase–I don’t know anyone who grew up with perfect family dynamics, and even if they did, like we said, America itself is kind of a giant dysfunctional family. 

 

So, that brings me to our prompt! If we’re going to help our politics by healing ourselves, we first have to find the parts of us that need healing. And I know the idea of an “inner child” might sound cringe, so if that’s too woo-woo, just think of it as connecting with the part of you that’s underneath all the anxiety and expectations of the outside world. Your “true self.”

 

Ok, here’s how we’re gonna do this. We’re going to get quiet together, put your hand on your heart if that feels comfortable (I’m doing it right now in the studio if that helps), and close your eyes. Now think back to a moment, maybe the first time you can remember when you were feeling good, connected, like your true self. And then you got a message that what felt so right was actually wrong. Maybe you were running around feeling free, and then told you had to sit down and be still, maybe you were singing your heart out and then told, “be quiet.”  See if you can access an early memory when you were told that you were too loud, or too quiet; the wrong size, or the wrong color, just somehow not ok. 

 

Now I want you to notice that critical voice, the one saying you’re not ok, and thank it for sharing, but let it know it’s not needed right now. Instead visualize yourself engaging with that inner part of you, and see if you can offer a welcoming smile,  say hi or maybe even take that part’s hand and try getting acquainted. You might be surprised how you feel a little better just being present with this inner part. And over the next week, see if you can practice hanging out together, because that version of yourself is the one we’re gonna be working with on America, Who Hurt You? Also, when we give you these prompts, if you want to share whatever comes up for you, you can comment on our social media. No matter what, we’re excited to get to know you as we all get to know  ourselves and America just a little bit better.

 

America, Who Hurt You? was created by Sarah Jones and Sell/Buy/Date LLC. Remember to follow, rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. You can keep up with pod and share your prompt responses  at Yes-I’m-Sarah-Jones on Instagram and TikTok. 

 

America, Who Hurt You? is a collaboration of Foment Productions and The Meteor, made possible by the Pop Culture Collaborative. Our host is me, Sarah Jones, our producer is Kimberly Henry, with editorial support from Phil Surkis. Our executive producers are me and Cindi Leive. Our audio engineer is Shawn Tao Lee. Our Logo was designed by Bianca Alvarez, and our music is by Coma-Media.